it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
