Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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