I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
