dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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