Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
