what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
