Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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