Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
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