my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
