those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
