Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
