I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
