I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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