i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just pee around me
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize