she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
