We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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