I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize