oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
