I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
