my phone needs a breathalizer
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
