Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
