Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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