Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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