Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
