in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
