dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
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