I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
