My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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