Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
