Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
