i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
