hotel room ftw
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize