Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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