I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
