Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
