Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
