I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
this will be a night to untag.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
