i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
