she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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