When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize