i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
