Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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