did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just pynch a tree in the face
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
