On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
