I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
