I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
