You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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