break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she smelled like a LAN party
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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