I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
