I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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