He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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