My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
