Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
