We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
