just come out here and I will go home with you...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize