I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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