I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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