I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
