that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
You may now shotgun with the bride
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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