how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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