apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
