did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Randomize
