How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize