OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
