ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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