I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Houston, we have a blender
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
