I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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