how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
