its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
