matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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