none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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