I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
