Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
