EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize