Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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