By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
this must be what syphilis tastes like
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
