remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sext me about skeletons
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
