have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
