The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I smell stomach acid.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
