And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
