dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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