I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
