What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
