Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Randomize
