I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
