capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My ATM looks so different sober.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
