How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
He's a Shit stain on my heart
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
