Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
wow bdsm is so cute
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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