So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
