feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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