Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Randomize
