You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
