Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
