as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
