We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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