Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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