Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
