I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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