just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
